A eulogy, or a speech that is given at a funeral to commemorate the deceased, can be a very difficult speech to write. Deep emotions are involved for both the eulogy speech writer and the funeral attendants. However, despite the difficult situation, good eulogies are some of the most memorable and poignant speeches, and they can really make a difference for the family and other grievers.
So what makes for a memorable, effective funeral speech? Here are some eulogy writing tips.
Make the Deceased Come "Alive" With Vivid Stories
One of the most important part of all ceremonial speeches is this: tell vivid, lively stories that make the person who is being commemorated come alive for the audience. If a ceremonial speech is delivered well, people in the audience who never met the person should feel like they know something real about him or her.
So what kinds of stories should the speaker tell? Anything that illustrates a character trait, interest, or unique attribute about the deceased. The stories should be specific and detailed, and never vague. Here are a few examples of vague, generic eulogy stories versus vivid ones:
- Generic: "Mary loved spending time with her grandchildren."
- Vivid: "Mary's grandchildren will always remember how much she loved taking them to amusement parks. Even when she was in her 80s, Mary always joined Lauren, Jackson, and Adam on the log flume and on as many roller coasters as possible."
- Generic: "Walter was always eager to volunteer his time at the church."
- Vivid: "Everyone at the church counted on Walter. One of his favorite things to do was to help people out at their weddings. For those of you who got married at this church, you may very well remember Walter hanging up decorations, or even serving his famous cheese dip in the reception hall."
It's also a good idea to make sure that the stories refer to family members, friends, and anyone close to the deceased. After all, eulogies are for the living, and those in attendance will be touched to hear stories about the relationship between the departed and themselves.
Eulogy Decorum
When delivering a eulogy, it's always important to use proper eulogy decorum, or eulogy etiquette. The most important rule is this: don't say anything private, overly personal, or negative about the deceased or people who had relationships with the deceased. It's perfectly acceptable to poke loving fun at the dearly departed, but be careful not to cross the line. Use common sense and avoid statements like these:
- "We'll always remember Mary's devotion to family, and unfortunately her devotion to alcohol as well."
- "Uncle Walter was devoted to the church, and especially to that cute church secretary who threatened a sexual harassment lawsuit."
- "It's kind of funny how Mom would play favorites, huh? You know what I mean, don't you, John?"
- "Sid was such a devoted Christian. It's too bad his kids weren't. But he loved them anyway and prayed every day that they would change."
- "Dad was a great man, but it goes to show you what thirty years of smoking will do."
In addition, avoid mention of family conflicts and other sensitive situations. This isn't the time to talk about Mom's diabolic ways of slighting her daughter-in-law, or about the legal battle that's about to ensue over the inheritance.
Eternal Life
Another important part of a eulogy that those in attendance may expect is talk about the afterlife if this reflects the religious beliefs of the deceased, or in lieu of that, talk about how the deceased will always live on in memories and in his or her impact on the world. People find great comfort in this.
Writing a Memorable Eulogy
Eulogies are difficult to write and deliver, but a good one is rewarding a worth the effort. Remember to tell vivid stories that aren't generic, to use good eulogy etiquette, and to reference the eternal or the deceased's impact.
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